


Come Back

by haroldshumjr



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec dies and everything hurts, Dead Alec Lightwood, Hurt Magnus Bane, I'm sorry for this, M/M, Pain, Sad Magnus, WHY DOES HE HAVE TO BE MORTAL, i'm a terrible human being
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-28 20:26:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11425557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haroldshumjr/pseuds/haroldshumjr
Summary: Alec dies and Magnus doesn't feel like he's had the chance to live the life that he wanted with Alec yet. Then again, it's never going to be enough time to spend with Alec.





	Come Back

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a video that was showing Magnus mourning Alec's death and i was like "you know what i need to write this". I was encouraged by my girlfriend and my friend so really, is this my fault?

He stared blankly, barely registering the words of the man stood in front of the small congregation. All he could think about was how Alec would hate the way the man forgot to say Lightwood-Bane. He could almost hear Alec’s annoyance, picturing the way the shadowhunter would have his jaw clenched and the frequent eye rolls. A small smile curled at his lips although it quickly fell at the thougth that he would never see that eye roll again. Every touch, every kiss, every time Alec laughed, it was all from memory. For a moment, he hated himself for not cherishing the last time that he held Alec in his arms. He’d been half asleep then, smiling up sleepily at his shadowhunter. He’d begged Alec to stay, of course, wanting to hold his love for longer. But Alec had just laughed, promising to come back for dinner that night before kissing his pouting lips. It was supposed to be just another day. It wasn’t supposed to be his last kiss or the last time he saw his husband smile.

His eyes fell shut, willing the tears to stop as the person at the front was changed to Izzy. She spoke of how unfair it all was. How Alec was supposed to have another decade at least but Magnus couldn’t help but disagree. Alec wasn’t supposed to have another decade. He was supposed to have eternity in front of him. It was silly and naïve of Magnus to think that the decade that he’d spent with Alec would be enough. Even if he had all the decades spanning ahead of them, he knew that nothing would brace him for the emptiness and hollowness that now took the place of the warmth that was previously there. He could lose Alec in a decade or a century but it would still be too soon.

It wasn’t like loss was a new concept to Magnus. All his life, he’d had to deal with loss. But he’d shut himself off for so long to letting people in, convincing himself that it was easier to not have loved than have loved and lost. Magnus had become complacent and forgot how sharp the pain of losing someone could be. Alec came and tore down his walls with his wry smiles and shining eyes and Magnus forgot how to breathe. He forgot what it was like to hate himself anytime he looked into Alec’s eyes or anytime their lips met. For the first time in a long time, Magnus could look himself in the mirror and like who he saw. But now his hands shook at the thought of his very existence, the sense that he was incomplete. To feel like he deserved the pain that was tearing him up on the inside.

It was Jace’s turn then, his golden skin looking ashy, his hair falling carelessly across his face. Jace spoke about soulmates and how Alec had been his. He spoke about how he felt the tether in him snap when Alec was gone. Magnus couldn’t help but empathise.

He had been waiting outside the infirmary, tears running down his face as he clasped his hands in front of him. It’d been centuries since he last prayed, losing his faith when the very people who were supposed to love him wanted him dead for the soel reason that god wouldn’t love him. But in that moment, he had prayed and begged and pleaded with a higher power in the sky. _Please save my heart. Please save Alexander. Take me if you have to. But let him live._ His gaze had fallen then on the wedding ring Alec had picked out for him. With shaking hands, he’d removed the piece of metal, clasping it in his hands. He prayed again then, in something that he knew was stronger than god. _Fight for me, Alexander. You promised me forever. So **please** give that to me_. Familiar footsteps echoed through the hallways as his little prayer ended, lifting his gaze to see Catarina walking towards him, her face grim. All of a sudden, it felt like he was suspending in the air, nothing holding him to the ground anymore. She hadn’t said anything. She didn’t need to. It was just like Jace had said. It was like the tether in him – the thing holding him together – had snapped.

He snapped out of his thoughts as he heard the shuffling of footsteps against the grass, blinking around. The rest of them spared glances at him, small, sympathetic smiles tugging up at the corners of their lips. A part of him wanted to yell at them and tell them that he didn’t need their sympathy. What he needed was for someone to bring Alec back and hold him. Alec was gone and the only person that he wanted to talk about it to was Alec.

As soon as the last person walked away, Magnus pushed himself from the tree, mustering whatever strength he had to walk towards the tombstone. From the time he saw Catarina’s face, a numbness had taken over him. But then he saw the words carved into the marble and he broke.

_Alexander Gideon Lightwood-Bane, 1990-2017_

He fell to his knees, a soft sob falling down his face as he gently ran his fingers over the words. There were so many things that he wanted to say, so many things that he had to tell Alec. Like how Alec promised him forever and he was being a bad husband by breaking his vows or how Alec said he’d be back home that night. Instead, he snapped his fingers, a bouquet of flowers appearing at the foot of the gravestone.

“Alexander, you forgot to buy milk last week. I couldn’t even have my coco pops this morning. And last night, I tripped over one of your arrows. You know how I feel about weapons lying around,” he said, a brittle laugh leaving his lips. He sniffed softly, dropping his gaze.

“You said you’d be back for dinner. I cooked for us without burning the kitchen. And I was waiting, Alexander. I was waiting for you to come home to tell me that you were proud of me. But you didn’t. You went to fight and be a good person and you forgot to come home and you took my heart with you. What am I supposed to do now? What do I do now when the last nightmare left me wishing that I’d stayed in that nightmare when I woke up? You promised me forever, Alexander. You told me I could keep you for as long as I needed to feel safe. And I need you right now. I need you to hold me and tell me that I’m not going always going to feel this empty. I need you to kiss me and tell me that I’m whole and I’m complete even if I don’t feel that way. Why did you leave me?”

His voice had risen, closer to shouting than talking at this point. The words of course were unanswered, nothing but the wind howling. It didn’t matter how loud he shouted. Alec wasn’t coming back. He was going to go home to an empty apartment and a cold, too big bed and nothing was going to change back to what it was.

Lifting his hand, Magnus wiped the tears with the back of his hand. His gaze had gone blank once more, reading the epitaph on the gravestone numbly before reaching out for it once more with a trembling hand.

“Come back to me. Please. I’ll be waiting for you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/nbmagnusbane) and [ tumblr](http://genderqueermagnusbane.tumblr.com) and let's be friends guys!


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